Floccinaucinihilipilification

 

Luke was a Floccinaucinihipilificator. His job was to assess the value of things and certify that those things are worthless.
From big business doing dodgey deals to master criminals with taxes and contraband, Luke would work for anyone who could afford his services, these were very expensive services because Luke knew that of all things that it was, his business was not worthless.
Today is no different. Today’s client is one of them, a toff. Who does he think he is, standing there in his fancy suit, turning his nose up at the tea that I’m offering him?
The man that stood at the other side of the desk in Luke’s dusty old shed, the dirty brown walls full of woodrott and ready to collapse, had a look of disgust on his face that brought a smile to Luke’s, a smile that could rival the one he had when he saw that the man had a chromedome.
The bald-headed toff brought a small, opaque tupperware box out of the shiny leather satchel that hung from his shoulder and placed it carefully on the desk infront of Luke.
The man then spoke, he spoke with a voice akin to the whine of a dog in pain, yet he spoke with such confidence that Luke’s gaze became fixed on the man’s tiny mouth, teeth of purest white occasionally made an appearance.
The man pulled something from his pocket and dropped it without grace on top of the tupperware box, then turned around, grabbed the ivory inlaid oakwood walking cane that he had left leaning against the old, rotten door and let himself out.
What do we have here then? Luke asked himself as he inspected the items on the table. He saw a business card decorated with gold and silver patterns but when he tore the plastic lid off the tupperware box, his only thought was: Holy God! There’s no way this is worthless!

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