Bedmaking is something I truly hate more than just about anything else in the world. And I don’t just mean putting sheets and things on, I mean right from the start.

You go buy a bed from a shop, you’re happily going about your day. You buy one online instead, it takes longer to get there but you’re still happy. You open it and find the instructions to see how the random collection of bars, bolts and screws go together, your day is ruined.

Instead of seeing well written instructions telling you step-by-step how to build the thing you’re left with a picture of around seven lines labelled with letters to show you how to slot things together. Normally things aren’t drawn quite right so it comes down to a lot of stressful guesswork. Three hours later and you’re done, proud of yourself for completing this difficult challenge. Then you notice the leftover screws on the floor. Did you miss them? Why are they there? Will it collapse as soon as you climb on it? Oh god! And if you get one piece from the end and find there’s a piece missing it becomes an ultimate nightmare as you tear through all the packaging, double checking everything to find the missing bit. Then you have to take it all back down and to the shops for another one which you hope has all the bits.

Once you have built it you can start to prepare it for use. First a battle with a mattress twice as big as yourself. Second you drag the sheet from one end of the bed to another, grunting with annoyance because a corner has popped off, AGAIN! Then a struggle with the quilt as you force it into the cover to find you’ve just put a ball into a wrap which hasn’t helped at all, you spend about half an hour turning things inside out and trying to match up corners even though your arm-span isn’t big enough. By this point you’re so annoyed that even the simple task of putting pillows into cases becomes hard work and gets you riled.

Look at the picture, I was so annoyed I couldn’t hold the camera still.

After making a bed you’ll definitely need a lie down.