I recently wrote about how success is pointless to me, I don’t find satisfaction in completing a task and that I prefer the journey.
This is becoming more important to me each day as my life starts to feel more and more like Bill Murray’s Groundhogs Day. I seem to live on repeat, like some weird loop where I can make little changes each day but nothing is ever different. The real downside to this is that I don’t have infinite time like he did in the movie, my life is ebbing away and I can see it happening. I wish I didn’t think how I do but it’s how I am, I now know what they mean when they say ignorance is bliss.
Now, the point of this post is to celebrate the chase. To relish a challenge and feel the buzz when running at the light at the end of the tunnel. In the dullness of my Groundhogs Day I’m getting that buzz at work because there’s a large workload and I’m getting it at home with Borderlands 3. I love the feeling I get when losing to a boss on a videogame and slowly wearing it down until I win in the end, I’ve been working overtime and weekends because I’m chasing monsters in my head, seeking that buzz and not because there’s extra money on offer (the money is still nice though).
What I’m talking about is called eustress, the buzz I feel is actually me stressing out but in a positive way and without any eustress in life it’s possible to become depressed.
There’s also an element of escapism in being able to focus on my eustress which lets me get out of my head a bit, it makes me a little ignorant to the world and I feel happy, I get the bliss of just enjoying what I’m doing and nothing could replace it.
I think how I do because it’s how I am and I need my eustress. I need to chase those things that stress me out in a positive way. I need to chase monsters. I need the thrill of the hunt.